|Jaybird from Bird's Nest|
Mother of three beautiful girls who have daddy wrapped around their fingers, lover of Hugh Jackman (and who can blame her?), Jersey Shore Gal, and teller of amusing and incredible tales that MAY or MAY NOT be true, Jaybird came into my life during the first blog hop I ever participated in, the WIP: The Movie blogfest hosted by Kyra Lennon and Rachel Schieffelbein back in March, and I'm so glad she did!
Aside from reading her great comments here on my blog and at NA Alley, her blog is another on my MUST READ list. I love her Friday Fact or Fiction posts and always know they're going to be hilarious and awesome, true or not...and then I always wonder why there aren't more comments or followers. Seriously, people, you (non-followers) are missing out on some great stuff here and don't even know it!
Allow me to give you a small sampling of her posts I adore so much:
Some men are slightly grossed out by pregnancy and all the changes it brings to their partner's bodies. But then, there are The Others. There are men out there, who are seriously ATTRACTED to pregnant women..... Once when Jaybird was super-sized and ridiculous pregnant, she was out on the road and got really thirsty. She may or may not have pulled into a convenience store to buy something to drink. A young, buff, and totally hawt NJ State Trooper was trailing her.
At first, Jaybird was relieved, it was only a young cop following her. Never in a million years would she think this kid was stalking her. She just chalked it all up to him needing something in every single aisle she happened to be in, out of coincidence. That changed as soon as she tried to open the freezer door and get out a beverage. Super Trooper jumped in front of her, like he was taking a bullet instead of a Vitamin Water, out of the freezer. He proudly pulled open the door and handed her the drink, all the while smiling with these huge dimples and a perfect smile. Jaybird was kind of weirded out, but thanked him for retrieving her drink anyway. He took this as his opening. He proceeded to ask her a least ten rapid fire questions normal, hetero sexual twenty something cops would never think to ask, all about pregnancy.
Jaybird had to rethink her initial assessment. This guy must have a pregnant girlfriend/wife, or her GAY-DAR bell was about to start ring-a-ding-dinging. But she asked and found out he was single. And, the way he was looking at her, was nothing like how her parade of Gay Besties would ever look at her (unless she is wearing something Couture!!) Jaybird thought, huh, how strange.
She started to make her way over to the counter. Once again, Super Trooper jumped in front of her. He insisted on carrying her items up to the counter and paying for it, no matter how much she protested. Jaybird waddled out to her car, but again, he followed her, just to "open her door". The Trooper may or may not have stood there all dimply and staring at her for a few more minutes until it just got, uh, AWKWARD. She really wanted him to close the door so she could leave, but he wouldn't stop with the staring. Finally, he told her he thought she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, and begged her to go out with him!
Fact or fiction? Click here to find out.
Jaybird worked at a local marina, during her Jersey Shore summers. Her job duties MAY or MAY NOT have included everything from minding the little convenience store to manning the gas pump to her least favorite job responsibility- bagging BUNKER fish for bait. The seagulls would go nutso, taking turns swooping down and trying to steal the smelly bait fish. The longer it took to bag it, the more the frozen bait thawed and REEKED.
Jaybird happened to be the only FEMALE employee of this marina. The men who worked there MAY or MAY NOT have teased her mercilessly. They would suddenly show up behind her while she was bending over in the store and/or relentlessly torment her about smelling like fish.... If it rained, there was down time. The guys liked to gather in the back of the shop, playing cards or betting each other to do stupid shiz. One rainy day, Jaybird MAY or MAY NOT have challenged seven beastly men to an eating contest. The stakes were, if Jaybird won, there would be no more tormenting her with fish comments and trying to grab her ass while bending over, ever again. If they won, well, Jaybird would have to come to work in a microscopic white string bikini for the rest of the summer!
I'll share this one, because the follow up was almost as fun as the story:
FACT. You better believe I WON that bet! I took a huge risk, but I have always had a HUGE appetite and I banked on the fact that I can eat just about anyone under the table. (I can still eat as much as a sumo wrestler, but if I continued to eat like that now I would wind up looking like one too!) But I digress. I beat men twice my age who out-weighed me by at least a hundred and fifty pounds! I housed one entire pepperoni pizza and was one slice shy of finishing another whole plain pie, (not a piddly Dominoes size large either, but giant sized, New York style pies) AND THEN I finished an entire gallon of Breyer's Chocolate Ice Cream. Some of the bigger guys came close to beating me with the pizza, but they all FAILED miserably, when it came to desert. Lightweights!
And one last one...because how crazy is this? Better yet, it's also a FACT! And as Jaybird said in her follow up/answers post - "You can't make this shit up!"
Officiating almost every Italian wedding, is a priest who is somehow related to the family. Jaybird's priest, May or May not have FORGOTTEN TO TAKE HIS MEDICATION for his bi-polar disorder, and went a little um, NUTS during the ceremony. He may or may not have referred to The Husband in his Marine Corps Dress Blues as "Hitler" and the Marine Corps Honor Guard with their swords, as "The SS Officers". Oh, and then the priest, May or May Not have PUNCHED the Best Man, right in the chest before he was tackled off the altar by one of Jaybird's mobbed up cousins, (Who is probably the only one in the family who wasn't afraid they would go to Hell for tackling a priest!)
And there's more! So many more fun, wild, crazy posts that all make me smile (except the one about creepy-crawlies - I couldn't read that one - LOL!)
Get thee to Jaybird's blog, get to following, and get to the reading.
You can thank me later. ;)
Big Hugs To Jaybird! :D
(images and stories used with permission)